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Top 5 Tips to Build a Healthy Self-esteem

Building a Healthy Self-esteem

Belief is one of the most powerful and creative forces we have in our whole mind and body systems and yet it is still greatly misunderstood.

Recently a man asked me 'why is it so difficult for people to believe in themselves'?

The question came from one of the men in a group I was facilitating; we were working on how to improve their relationships. The questions sparked a lively and engaging discussion on what self-confidence feels like and how they see themselves in the world.

The most important thing to understand about our self-worth is that our perception is deeply rooted in our history, habitual thinking and a lifetime of experiences.

Most of the men were successful in their careers, relationships and family lives or at least they would agree it would appear that way on the outside, but behind their eyes lived a painful version of a very different story.

One of the men explained that he felt his low self-esteem was going to drive away his wife as he continued to say, "I just want to get back to feeling like me again." It's a very familiar statement to hear when a person has felt this way for any length of time.

There is power in the way we see ourselves and for most people living with low self-esteem they will feel as if they are not worthy and often times experience symptoms of depression, anxiety and stress.

The road back to a healthy foundation of mental clarity and stability starts with believing that change is even possible. The men all had their unique qualities of low self-esteem but the thread that connected each member was their belief that they were not worth it.

We could all benefit from peeling back the layers of our past and undoing any of the negative residue left over, but when we decide it's time to start over its important to build a foundation with a healthy perspective.

Five Tips to Build a Healthy Self-esteem

Tip #1 Make a commitment to feel better
Set the intention that you're committed to feeling better about yourself. We cannot choose everything that happens to us but we can choose how we respond. Making a commitment to feel better about yourself is the first step to changing the pattern.

Tip #2 Believe your worth it
Shifting from low to high self-esteem takes time and should be approached with the same expectations as building any new skill. Most people don't change their thinking and feelings over night, but you can start to remind yourself of your strengths and unique qualities by taking a moment to be grateful for smaller and simpler pleasures.

Tip #3 Break the Pattern of Destructive Thinking
Through mindfulness and building your self-awareness you can begin to observe your thoughts and inner chatter with greater detail. When you notice yourself engaged in a negative thinking pattern its best practice to break that thought and create a new experience. Self-worth can only be defined by you, ask yourself if your thoughts are contributing to building your self-confidence or are they working against you.

Tip #4 Don't compare yourself to others
Comparing yourself to others is natural, but it can often become a toxic pattern when you become judgmental, jealous or envious of others. There is a good chance if you're judgmental and comparing yourself to others you're probably just as hard on yourself. My advice is stay simple and stop comparing yourself to others, re-focus your attention on authentic experiences that bring you happiness.

Tip #5 Self-love is acceptance
When you start to feel your self-esteem shift to a more positive quality you will notice that you give yourself more permission to be just you. To get to a place where you have genuine confidence with 'who' you are you need to embody a feeling of acceptance. Start with small steps; focus your attention on your strengths, positive relationships and qualities that are distinctively yours.

How you define yourself….Will greatly influence how others will define you!

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{ 1 comment... add one now }

  • Alison Dubitz

    Oct. 12, 2018

    Do you have a retreat for the self esteem program?

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Ken is a certified psychotherapist that specializes in a powerful approach called Gestalt Therapy that focuses on building a person's awareness, self-esteem and mind-body connection.


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